opening Fusion

Opening night of new club Fusion, first night of my new job dancing professionally. 

I didn't sleep much and couldn't eat, had a breakfast of vodka when I got to work. There were a few people there to begin with, mostly augmented with cyber-implant types, a robot, different sort of clientele from Reaktor. (Frankie) Richard at the bar apologising that half the shit wasn't working. No music so dancing was difficult. 

Dancing to the rhythms from within, the heartbeat and emotions, the thoughts in my mind and instinct. Intuitive movement, freeform expression I am not sure it's really the sort of dancing they expected.

I drank too much vodka and watched Sahara playing with Frankie. They have been through a lot together and flirt in a way that I wish I had something like that in my life. I got jealous and left. I didn't get paid yet, not sure after refusing to do a strip if I will still have a job there later.  

It wasn't until I walked home early in the refreshing rain that I realised that why I have been so cut up over this girl is because she was the first tenderness, real human emotion, I had felt for a long time. And she's like me, doesn't really care much to get involved with people, so I can see she doesn't want me cracking onto her every time we meet.

Went back to the squat to dance in my room alone and shake the past off. No more vodka. No more chasing after people. Going to sort it out properly now. Go see Frankie tomorrow and use my paycheck to visit a different platform on the shuttle, get out of In Silico for a bit so I can come back here with a fresh head. Get Sahara out of my mind. Thoughts about Cyrgan. 

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