at the edge

“Aliveness is energy. It’s the juice, the vitality, and the passion that wakes up our cells every morning. It’s what makes us want to dance. It’s the energy that moves a relationship from the status quo to something grander and much more expansive, something that makes our hearts beat faster, our minds and our eyes open wider, than ever before. Everything is of interest to a person who is truly alive, whether it’s a challenge, a loving moment, a bucket of grief, or a glimpse of beauty.”
~Daphne Rose Kingma

Shaken up. 

Tonight was intense. 

It led to great OOC discussion about the dehumanization process of using increasingly advanced technology; of encountering the uncomfortable edge that forces us to deal with what we are; human nature; and polysexuality. 

Before that was some real meeting the animal head on with an adrenaline surge of fight-or-flight to overcome the inertia of rl. Roleplay can do all this to you. Not often, but when it is quality, it is what it is all about. 

A lot happened tonight, fast. I can't recall what we were talking about in the conapt, I was filling in job application forms for being a pole dancer at Reaktor. Cy's computer picked up an assassin interrogating the robot serving in the Blue Ant. She looked direct at us from our observation point in the apartment. These fucking robots betray us at least once for every time they make things easier, I'm going to start keeping tabs. The assassin is obviously after Kitten and so we ran, leaving Cy as a distraction he was rigging something up. 

We hid in the the shopping mall where we got Kitten some disguise, a very sexy cyber ninja suit that I couldn't take my hands off, she looks too cute in it. Then we met Cy at the diner like we'd arranged. There were bikes parked outside it, someone had already stole these before us and the wires were easy to connect. I'm no good with a bike and it steered like a brick. The assassin caught up with us. Swapped drivers and I wrapped my arms around Cys waist, closed my eyes and realised if this is the moment of our deaths, I am a lucky girl. I think I fell in love with Cy at that moment. I felt peace, the fear had pushed me over the edge. 

When I opened my eyes we had landed someplace. Cy had been shot in the leg by the assassin. If she'd wanted us dead she'd have hit the bike and we'd crashed boom. This cruelty, she is playing with us. A robot would be emotionless; this is something else, this is a cat toying with its prey. We hid Kitten in a locker in the side of the street and I dragged Cy to the hospital we stayed in a few nights ago. Aw man, I forgot to pick up my jacket. 

The assassin found us. She is like Cy, a cyberchip - but a massive upgrade, a massive upgrade on kitty too, she is both of them combined and then some. I gave her some backchat about being nothing more than a robot and since she had not already killed us immediately, she obviously wasn't going to; she needed to find Kitten and we are her link. Somehow the fear dissolved and I could see with clarity, a real clean perception like the dirt was gone, it was, machine clarity; fearless and pure focus. At that moment I was more concerned with getting the bullet out of Cy's leg before it melted. So the bitch threw me into the wall and bust my ankle. I truly thought she was going to kill us and for the second time tonight I accepted imminent death. 

Then she somehow took over Cy and was controlling him by remote, he called her his mistress. He changed in front of my eyes. It was really fucking sketchy. He was about to blow my knees out, while she asked me how much I needed them. She is almost totally robot and for some reason I asked her how much she missed her own real knees. This got me thinking, my focus on cyberwear. I decided at that moment that robots are bastards. It's going on the tab. 

Cy picked up a gun and instead of killing me he put a bullet in her head. She slumped and frazzled. I dragged him home while he carried her over his shoulders. We spoke about deleting her memory core like we had discussed a few days ago had happened to Kitty. then something truly fucked up happened; inside of Cyrgan is a back-up personality, it had activated after the bitch did something digital inside his mind when he took control of her. He couldn't remember who I was, who he was, where we were, anything. I got a bit creeped out and needed a strong dose of normality, and so I finally got a fuck out of Cyrgan, or at least his body, the body he and whoever else is inside of him has been wearing and walking around in. Ooh I enjoyed that. Shame he missed it because it was really sweet. 

The back-up personality asked me not to mention his existence to the other Cyrgan when he wakes up. I think I need to call them by different names to tell them apart. This is also infuriating because I can't see the point in names, they're another thing like technology, a fakeness that confuses us and gets us thinking we are living inside the labels and concepts instead of inside the really real world, which does not have labels, only instinct. 

Then I remembered we had left Kitten in a locker in the wall of some backstreet. Even with my ankle twisted or broke, I ran. We probably should have collected her on the way back but in the stress of the moment I had totally forgotten about her. I hope she's okay.

assassin elite Katha: emotionless robot from the neck down, emotionless dominatrix from the neck up. 

As I write this, it is 3am and my head is frying. The human body, the wetware, the meat; is fragile and needs sleep. I set a digital alarm to wake me up in a few hours and think about it ticking away endlessly until its batteries go.

<previous velcro post    next velcro post>

OOC after rp session discussion: 

[2013/09/08 15:13] Cyrgan: hope it was not too scary today

[2013/09/08 15:13] Cyrgan: i mean with katha looking like your ex gf

[2013/09/08 15:13] Cyrgan: and Cyrgan being all Totall recall

[2013/09/08 15:15] velcro: it was freaky, i usually don't get pushed to my edge especially in rp but tonight was intense. I like this a lot

[2013/09/08 15:15] velcro: sorry about fucking it up with the bike :p

[2013/09/08 15:15] Cyrgan: thats what cyberpunk usually does. pushing to the edge

[2013/09/08 15:15] Cyrgan: hey.. no

[2013/09/08 15:16] Cyrgan: That was just a scene

[2013/09/08 15:16] Cyrgan: it was good when you realized that you should let him drive

[2013/09/08 15:16] velcro: ye but the edge goes beyond rp

[2013/09/08 15:16] Cyrgan: and switched in mid drive...

[2013/09/08 15:16] velcro: i should have realised that before but i was genuinely in flight mode by then

[2013/09/08 15:17] velcro: shame we couln't get kitten on the bike too

[2013/09/08 15:17] Cyrgan: well if at anytime you feel uncomfortable tell me or Katha

[2013/09/08 15:17] velcro: no its great, tbh that uncomfortable is what i am craving

[2013/09/08 15:17] Cyrgan: RP shall not hurt you

[2013/09/08 15:17] Cyrgan: okay

[2013/09/08 15:17] velcro: all the talk of people being emotionless robots,

[2013/09/08 15:18] velcro: this is waking me up in here

[2013/09/08 15:18] Cyrgan: Actually.. you are the most human, and it shows

[2013/09/08 15:18] Cyrgan: in rp

[2013/09/08 15:18] velcro: prostitutes are the most human humans, period.

[2013/09/08 15:18] Cyrgan: Thats what the CP is about. Technic is not always a good thing. Prices have to be paid

[2013/09/08 15:18] Cyrgan: technology

[2013/09/08 15:18] Cyrgan: not technic

[2013/09/08 15:19] Cyrgan: thats something different

[2013/09/08 15:19] Cyrgan: sorry

[2013/09/08 15:19] Cyrgan: actually

[2013/09/08 15:19] Cyrgan: Cyrgan creeps me out too, but i like to play hm that way

[2013/09/08 15:20] Cyrgan: Its almost fantasy

[2013/09/08 15:20] Cyrgan: he is gandalf and Katha the little red balrog

[2013/09/08 15:20] velcro: Cyrgan is an increasingly interesting character

[2013/09/08 15:20] velcro: sorry i ran out on him back there, i as thinking what would velcro do in that situation?

[2013/09/08 15:20] Cyrgan: its okay. i thought you thought

[2013/09/08 15:21] velcro: you and katha know each other already ?

[2013/09/08 15:21] velcro: she is really cool to have got involved in this scene

[2013/09/08 15:22] Cyrgan: yes.. i asked her to be the bad guy. She plays a completely dehumanized human. Thought.. as she is your antithesis, she would be a good bad guy

[2013/09/08 15:22] velcro: what we are exploring here is really interesting; humanity on the brink of...

[2013/09/08 15:22] velcro: she creeped me out, but also that she looks so, identical 

[2013/09/08 15:23] velcro: was odd

[2013/09/08 15:23] Cyrgan: That was probably just coincidence

[2013/09/08 15:23] velcro: do you believe in syncronicity?

[2013/09/08 15:23] Cyrgan: well.. actually i bleive that everything has to happen somewhere

[2013/09/08 15:24] Cyrgan: so i am not so surprised when surprising things happen

[2013/09/08 15:24] velcro: smiles thats the one

[2013/09/08 15:24] Cyrgan: hmm? the one?

[2013/09/08 15:24] velcro: we are made of infinity, and we are made of creativity, these two things mean that, everything is true and real somewhere

[2013/09/08 15:24] velcro: the one, i meant that "everything has to happen somewhere"

[2013/09/08 15:26] Cyrgan: hmm.. studied Phyics and computer science... its a philosophy i could share

[2013/09/08 15:26] Cyrgan: just the infinity... physics hates that

[2013/09/08 15:27] Cyrgan: But you are right about what we are exploring

[2013/09/08 15:27] Cyrgan: got that feeling from the first moment

[2013/09/08 15:27] velcro: even if we are within a tesseract, it is one where there are an odd number of particles, so that it can never perfectly match and harmonize as it could if there were an equal number. This makes it possible for everything to always be moving, permenantly, the process of change is the only steady constant

[2013/09/08 15:27] Cyrgan: the first evening we played (you and Kitty and me)

[2013/09/08 15:29] Cyrgan: hey.. nice analogon

[2013/09/08 15:29] velcro: pushing us through the edge to the weirdness. i am hoping kitty decides to be bisexual, she prefers girl

[2013/09/08 15:29] velcro: but perhaps I should not say this in words *blush*

[2013/09/08 15:31] Cyrgan: hey.. we are also on the brink of a sexual revolution, so why not. Sex in industrialised countries has started to become less regularized.

[2013/09/08 15:31] Cyrgan: poly, bi. whatever...

[2013/09/08 15:31] Cyrgan: i mean katha plays basically a sexy robot

[2013/09/08 15:32] Cyrgan: what kind sex is that?

[2013/09/08 15:32] velcro: there's edge and there's edge, i guess it depends how far people can cope with being pushed

[2013/09/08 15:33] Cyrgan: a process is a process and the human nature is to always attribute a start and an end and a position to it

[2013/09/08 15:34] velcro: does katha enjoy that role?

[2013/09/08 15:34] Cyrgan: She is a good rper as far as i know. She likes to act...

[2013/09/08 15:34] Cyrgan: dunno if she is a dominant

[2013/09/08 15:35] Cyrgan: because we never played sex rps

[2013/09/08 15:35] velcro: ye, she plays a dom, i hope i didnt offend her with what i was saying

[2013/09/08 15:35] Cyrgan: scenes

[2013/09/08 15:35] Cyrgan: ill ask

[2013/09/08 15:36] Cyrgan: i asked her to play the baddie, so probably she fell into the dom role because she thinks that a baddie would do..

[2013/09/08 15:36] velcro: ye, interesting point, how many sub baddies are there and what would they be like?

[2013/09/08 15:36] Cyrgan: passive aggressive

[2013/09/08 15:37] velcro: the classical scifi is the sex-slave robot going on a kill spree

[2013/09/08 15:37] velcro: murder is dom, surely?

[2013/09/08 15:37] velcro: p/a it is emo, do you know emo?

[2013/09/08 15:38] Cyrgan: actually.. i am not so much part of any subculture. i have always been kinda my own...

[2013/09/08 15:38] Cyrgan: i only know emo prejudices

[2013/09/08 15:38] velcro: rp and techno lol